Start Slowly and Imperfectly!
It starts with you.
Change starts with you.
Healing start with you.
But starting seems so overwhelming.
Until you remember – you’ve been here before.
CHANGE IS NOT A STRANGER.
You’ve made changes before. You switched schools, moved and made new friends. You’ve started new activities, sports and hobbies. You’ve changed jobs, and changed careers. You may have married, had children, and perhaps, got divorced. Change isn’t a stranger, after all.
GIVE YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM EVIDENCE.
Make a list of all the major changes you’ve had in your life. Give your brain, body and nervous system evidence that you can and have successfully handled change.
Sit with that. What does that success feel like? Where does it land in your body? Feel success in your body, and know that you can access it at any time.
Healing. You’ve done a LOT of healing! You’ve got this.
What are a few things you’ve healed or challenges you’ve overcome? How does it make you feel knowing you’ve successfully overcome or healed something? Where does it land in your body? Pause and notice it. Honour that knowing.
What are a few things you failed at on your first attempt, then came back and finished, or better yet excelled at down the road? Failure is part of success and achievement, yet it’s often overlooked and buried.
What was the key to your success after the initial failure? What did you do differently to succeed the second, third, or even fourth time? Do you notice any patterns? Is there a pattern showing you what NOT to do again? Is there a pattern in your successes, indicating what worked and what to try again?
Sit with that. How does it feel knowing you have failed at things in the past, then came back and succeeded? Does it feel or land differently than other things you’ve achieved? Do you feel your nervous system settling? Can you find a place of calm knowing that you have succeeded, after failure?
WHAT FEAR IS KEEPING YOU STUCK?
What are you afraid of? What fear is holding you back?
Pull out a pen and paper, and write. We know journalling shifts us out of the amygdala, the fear centre of our brain, to the prefrontal cortex that is responsible for emotional regulation and executive functions, such as planning, reasoning and decision-making.
It doesn’t need to make sense to you or anyone else. Write down all your fears. Point form is fine. When you’re done, go back and do it again, this time dig a little deeper.
Now, one more time. Yes, a third time. Dig a little deeper once again. Be honest with yourself, what are you really afraid of?
SUPERFICIAL FEARS PROTECT US.
The first fears that come to mind are what I like to call superficial fears. They’re absolutely real, legitimate fears, but they can usually be easily overcome or worked through. Superficial fears can keep us stuck in a loop, protecting us, keeping us safely away from deeper fears that are truly at the root of our overwhelm and at the root of what is keeping us stuck.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t even need to see the path clearly. You DO need to know what mountain you’re climbing, the direction you’re heading and the first step. You’re absolutely allowed to pause, take a break, or turn around at any point. It’s okay to change your mind, and try again at a different point.
UNFINISHED BUSINESS!
What do you need to clean up? Is there something from the past holding you back from moving forward? Do you have commitments you need to finish, ties you need to cut, amends you need to make?
Sometimes we can’t move forward because there are messes in the past or skeletons in the closest that we need to address before moving forward.
Name it. Own it. Make a plan to clean it up. It might one of the hardest, yet freeing things you do.
Unfinished business is sometimes unfinished because, in the past, you didn’t have the knowledge, resources and support required to finish it, or clean it up. Now might be different. You’re older, wiser, with more knowledge and skills than before. Get help and support, as required. You’ve got this.
WHAT SUPPORT DO YOU NEED?
Identify what support you may need for each section of your path: a therapist, a coach, an accountability buddy, a free support group? Do you need to learn new skills?
Getting support helps to flatten your learning curve and makes the journey easier.
You probably don’t need help with each and every step, but thinking ahead and identifying where you may need support and the type of support you may need is helpful. It can help prevent large set backs and aid in moving forward with less struggle.
START SLOWLY & IMPERFECTLY.
Getting started is the often hardest part. We can get stuck planning and get overwhelmed in the details. Action is how we gain confidence and momentum.
Take the first step. Pause, orient and get your balance. Let your nervous system adjust and your mind and body feel safe.
It’s okay to start slowly and to start imperfectly. Despite the speed and perfection you may see around you, you don’t need to be perfect, nor do you need to be fast.
It’s your mountain to climb. You get to decide the pace and who you take with you. You’re allowed to stop, take a break, change your mind and try again another day, or choose a different path or even a different mountain to climb.
ALLOW YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM TO ADJUST.
Each step can feel like stepping onto a wobble board as your brain, body and nervous system adjust to the new terrain. Change and healing, even when you’ve done it before, can still feel overwhelming when you’re reaching beyond the mainstream and status quo, to somewhere you haven’t been before.
Pause. Orient. Get your footing and balance with each step. Allow your nervous system a little time to adjust to this new step and space.
Not everyone has the same agility or ability to navigate steep terrain with ease. It’s okay to pause, orient and rebalance. Address any new fears or challenges, and repeat.
Change and healing starts with you. It’s okay to start slowly and imperfectly. Take it one step at a time and give your nervous system time to adjust and your mind and body the space it needs to feel safe.
🔥 Heather
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